The wheel turns, and despite feeling pretty optimistic last week, I felt adrift this week again, and didn't get a ton of painting done. Catch up on last week here.
When I say I didn't get a ton of painting done, I mean I got nothing done that I could use for any shows or sales. I also didn't paint in many large blocks like I often do when I'm really in a good head space. I started the 100 Days Project last week, and I kept it up so I painted every day. But most days that was all I did.
Maybe this should be enough? It's very consistent, at least, and probably good practice. I don't see a ton of improvement yet, but I've also been switching between two notebooks with different paper types, and using a few different brushes. I wonder if I stuck with one brush for a week or two if I'd get more confidence with it.
I do enjoy using only one color, actually. Well, except the yellows. The dot sheet is arranged with the palest yellows at the beginning, and they're terrible for monochrome. It's extremely hard to get a "dark" value with them. The amount of painting I can get done with the dots varies quite a lot as well. There have been a few times I wasn't able to produce the painting I had in mind due to the limited amount of paint. It's frustrating in the moment, but also good information for the future I suppose--I really love a strongly pigmented paint, so clearly these pale shades aren't ever going to be for me. In a nerdy way, it's interesting to see the difference, and I wonder if there's science behind it. I'll be honest, I've considered trying to make my own paint more than once...but I have been keeping myself in check because I already have a room stuffed full of supplies I haven't used and I don't need to add to it!
Aside from daily painting for the 100 Days Project, I haven't painted much else. I have stacks of half finished paintings and I half-heartedly tried to finish some of those, but it's not easy for me. Figuring out what the hell to do with a pretty but boring initial painting is very, very hard for me. I know I need to embrace a "fuck it, let's ruin some paintings" mentality to get through that. There's always more paint, more paper, and more creativity in the world and me. It's not like I'll never paint something pretty like those again after all!
I'm being held back by fear again, fear of wasting supplies, money, time. I go through this cycle regularly too. And to be completely open and transparent: I'm also not painting because I started a new video game I'm a little obsessed with at the moment! My goal for the next week is to stick with the 100 Days Project, and to do some mindfulness activities before starting to paint, to see if that helps release me from my fears and hesitation.
Weekly Summary - Jan 22 2021
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